Author Archive

Stop Being Such a Merkin!

by on Mar.25, 2011, under learning, Uncategorized

So…I just recently learned what a merkin was. That was fun. And now I’m going to share, which will be even more fun! I’m a very visual person, so, you’re welcome.

that's one mean merkin

merkins are for lovers

black tie merkin. I wonder if it's going to a charity event?

This pretty girl's last name is Merkin. Poor Merkin.

old-fashion merkin

high-fashion merkins

what my mom is getting for her birthday. and i'm not going to tell her what a merkin is. worst daughter ever?? BEST daughter ever.

so, yeah, like I said. You are welcome.

I’m off to start crankin’ out some merkin-dise. baaaaahgagagagaga.

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Liz Taylor

by on Mar.23, 2011, under people we like, stuff we like, Uncategorized

I don’t really know too much about Elizabeth Taylor besides the fact that she played Cleopatra and was good friends with Michael Jackson. She was one of those celebrities I never gave much thought to, but took for granted, so the news of her passing caught me slightly off guard. It also got me to thinking about women like Elizabeth Taylor because they are, quite literally, a dying breed. But before they are gone all together, I think that there are many things we can learn from them. There is something to be said about women who take so much pride in being just that, women. They always look perfect, know how to cook, bake, raise children, keep their men happy, and always conduct themselves as ladies (no matter how many men they may be keeping happy). And they make it all seem so easy.  My Grandmother, Barbara (she has at least 5 friends also named Barbara) is really the only woman of this caliber that I have ever known. She is smart, witty, impeccably dressed, can keep up with the boys, and cook a mean leg of lamb. So, I think in her honor, and in remembrance of the late Elizabeth Taylor, I am going to make myself a short list of womanly things to improve upon this year.

Here’s a start:

1. Learn a couple of really good dirty jokes

2. Wear more lipstick…or try wearing lipstick at all. Maybe finding a lipstick that doesn’t make me feel like a drag queen would be a better start.

3. Work on this list

Now here is one very short and funny story that describes my grandmother perfectly…

At my cousin’s wedding, dressed to the nines in one of her Jackie-o-esque suits, Barbs was gettin’ funky on the dance floor. A couple gin and tonics over the limit and one twist of the twist and shout too low, she took a spill. What’s the first thing that happens? Her knees immediately zoom together like they’re connected by some insane magnetic forcefield. Before anyone had even noticed that she had fallen she was back on her feet twist and shouting the night away. My mom and I were the only ones lucky enough to witness the little slip-up and the magic forcefield that lives in Barb’s knees.

And since I never knew Elizabeth Taylor and have no short or funny stories about her life, here are some great pics courtesy of the interweb…


these are my favorite kind of photos. so beautiful.

4. learn how to work a lasso

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Get Bad. Bitches

by on Dec.15, 2010, under Dance Party Wednesday!, people we like

After my hard rocking, death metal filled weekend (I was really tempted to ask the DJ to play some R. Kelly just for fun) I could really use a little something that doesn’t involve headbanging, jumping around, or air guitar. So, it’s Luda to the rescue. I really like the original, but when I saw this little guy with Eve, I couldn’t help myself. SO, happy Dance Party Wednesday! Get up and show ‘em how bad you are. In fact you should probably turn it up and get on top of your desk. Or maybe your boss’s desk. Or maybe not.

Side Note: I just watched some special on Nikki Minaj. Good one. I liked her before because she was kinda weird and different, but now I love her.

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Portal Into Creature Land a.k.a. Funniest Night Ever

by on Dec.14, 2010, under people we like, stuff we do, stuff we like

So…this night is one I will remember for my entire life. It was that unbelievably amazing. I guess I’ll start from the beginning (a very good place to start according to Fraulein Maria). As I told you, Krysta planned an amazing LA getaway and shopping adventure for my 30th birthday. She’s radical, I know. You should be jealous. Anyhow, the night before we wanted to go out for some dinner. We were planning to keep it mellow since we had to be up early, but decided we needed to be danced to sleep. Kinda like a lullaby. So we headed to the Rainbow Room.  And thank little baby Jesus, Mary, Joeseph, all the wise men and animals in the barn we did! What started off as an encounter with a rude ginger door man and a mediocre glass of house red quickly turned into the most magical, mystical night of death metal dancing debauchery ever. So now I’m gonna shut-up because the imagery from this night is way better than anything I could ever say. Here goes it…

oh, aren't we cute...we have no idea what's about to happen.

first came this guy. he kept trying to give Sarah drugs. he dropped some weed in her lap. is it possible to lace weed with roofies? because if it is...

then came this guy. we called him beetle juice. right? if beetle juice joined the village people? all his gear is custom made. i need one of those bracelets asap.

this, ladies and gents, is the creature that started it all. he is so magical and mystical that we couldn't even capture his true image. he was also exactly my size. which made me want to best friend him so that we could share clothes. i bet he has some awesome tees and really great levis. and maybe some elf shoes.

krysta almost had him. he is a very timid creature.

but then i had to ruin it with all my excitement and vampire skin. we didn't see him leave, but i suspect he turned to smoke and exited through the cracks in the floor boards. that's what i would do. wouldn't you?

and then we met john and he and i fell head over heels in metal rocking air guitar love at first sight. he also had the most amazing hair. sort of like a 5 year old girl bob with the ends curled under. i loved him regardless.

fist pumping. not the over the head techno beats jersey shore kind, but the underhand pretend your pulling a truck horn rock n roll kind.

supuer sicky air guitaring

more air guitaring. i busted out a squidward tribute air clairinet for a second, but it didn't really catch on.

it really was that funny

see. told you. hilarious.

if you happen to be dancing in a room with bars of any kind in them....

...horizontal or vertical ones... are obligated to do at least 10 minutes of your best 'if i were a stripper' moves. it's the law of dancing.

bustin' moves. she has no idea that in 2 seconds she is going to get motor boated by a very brazen leather jacket wearing euro-man.

there he is. the euro motor boater. in his defense sarah's boobies were looking pretty good that night. can't say i wouldn't have given her one had he not beaten me to the punch.

john and i (seriously looking like a vampire after a fresh kill) took this little nugget and then we had to go before the night lost it's magic and everyone turned into mice or pumpkins or something.

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Get Naughty

by on Nov.17, 2010, under Dance Party Wednesday!, people we like

This one is for my good buddy Skip… a.k.a. Papi Plantain… a.k.a. The Bad Banana. A man of many names and even more sweet dance moves that are perfect for this amazing 80′s resurrection. I like to think that he may throw this little number on while cleaning his man cave, or seducing whatever saucy babe he may be entertaining for the evening. With Papi, you never really know. So get up and get your naughty on and don’t forget to tip your hat and wiggle your buns a little somethin’ extra…you never know when The Bad Banana is watching.
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Man Woman Boogie

by on Nov.03, 2010, under Dance Party Wednesday!

AHHHHH! I totally forgot Dance Party Wednesday! To make up for it I found this extra special video for you. This is the kind of song that gets ya right in the belly and you kinda have to get up and get your boogie on. And by boogie I mean you gotta tuck your arms up like a t-rex, bend your knees, shuffle your feet, wiggle your butt, and put on your best Bill Cosby face, ya dig? Oh yeah, don’t forget to hike your pants up and channel that one crazy uncle that actually dances like this.

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Dia De Los Muertos

by on Nov.01, 2010, under Art, learning, stuff we like

Today is All Saints Day, which is a Catholic holiday where you are supposed to commemorate all of the saints in heaven. Even better than that, tomorrow is All Hallows, or as most of us know it, Dia De Los Muertos, which is a Catholic holiday (as practiced in the Mexican culture) where you celebrate the lives of the loved ones you have lost. These celebrations are typically marked by the use of the colorful candy skulls and the super awesome artwork that has become extremely popular in tattoos. They also celebrate by eating and drinking the favorite things of the deceased. Krysta once threw me the best birthday party with all of my favorite things. Kinda the same, only I was still alive.

this is a photograph from that bday party I was telling you about

a pretty flyer

I hope I look that good when I'm their age

wouldn't that make for a pretty textile design?

Today was also my Meme’re’s birthday. Well, we thought it was until she went to get a passport and realized that she was actually born on Halloween. Anyhow, my Meme’re was a dressmaker back in Quebec. She taught me how to sew and make clothes when I was little. If not for her who knows if Civilized Wildlife would ever have been. Tomorrow when you celebrate the lives of the ones you love who are no longer with us, think about all the gifts their lives continue to give. And don’t forget to eat, drink, and be merry!

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Black Velvet if You Please

by on Oct.27, 2010, under Dance Party Wednesday!, people we like, products

This is a two part dance party.

Step one:

Put on your black velvet catsuit. If you have one, great, you are the kind of girl (or boy) we like to have around. If you don’t have one (yet), go visit our buddies Heather and Hannah at Bona Drag. They’ll hook you up with one from Bodkin. It’s amazing and every girl should have one.

Step Two:

Play this video and get your groove on. This is the kind of song where you’ll need to bust out all of your sexiest “if I were a stripper in the 80′s” dance moves. So if you’re shy, you may want to add a third step and do whatever it is you do to make yourself less shy.

When I was little my Mom used to have a recurring dream that she was dressed in a black velvet catsuit dancing to this song. I love that memory. And if any of you know my Mom, you now love that memory too! Love you Ma.

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by on Oct.25, 2010, under new gear, stuff we do

It’s Monday, which just happens to be my favorite day of the week. Weird, I know. Usually I work most weekends, but now that wedding season is winding down (I’m a florist, check out my boss lady’s awesome work at my brain stores up so many ideas that by Monday morning it’s ready to explode! I just can’t wait to get into the sweat shop and get shit done. Anyhow, back to the point. The only thing I don’t like about Monday is getting dressed. Again, weird, I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting dressed to go fun places and do things, but it’s the everyday clothes wearing that gets me. I’m a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but that’s starting to get old. Plus, taking time in the morning trying to pick out “the” t-shirt and jeans that I will don for the day seems like a waste. So, I’ve been thinking about making myself an everyday uniform. Something simple and versatile that allows me to look put together without using too much brain power. Something sort of like what I used to wear to Catholic school, only more grown up. But not in a skanky, I’m about to shoot a porn or bust into a pop song and dance routine kind of way.

this is pretty much what my school uniform looked like back in the day (the plaid jumper one)

I wonder if wearing a uniform will make me more productive and creative, you know, since I won’t have to think about what to wear and all. People in uniform do look pretty official and in charge of things, don’t they?

Now these ladies look like they're getting shit done! You can't fly planes in a t-shirt and jeans.

Or maybe I’ll obtain some strange super power. I’m hoping for the one where I can get out of the house in under 30 minutes and I’m never late to anything. Now that’d be super.

I bet she's never late to anything. And she gets to wear super radical gold cuffs. My uniform will definitely be having accessories.

Here’s one uniform I never want to wear.

They don't look like they're in charge of much, but I'm pretty sure they're about to get something done...and orange is totally in for next spring, so...

I’ll let you know when I come up with the perfect uniform. It’s probably gonna go a little something like this…

The Elisa Legging

The Patti Sleeveless Button-Up in grey

or The Vintage Silk Short Sleeve Button Up

and for layering in the cold months The Rothy Sweater

and The Sienna Jacket (which I already have and love)

Oh yeah, I’m gonna need a couple of The Silver Punching Rings

A Copper Picture Holder Necklace, and a Large Ammonite Fossil Necklace to accessorize! Ok, Maybe this uniform thing isn’t as thoughtless as I had planned (I still need a bag and some shoes), but it sure does look better than a t-shirt and jeans!

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I’m Slightly Dumber…Can You Tell?

by on Oct.22, 2010, under learning, people we like, stuff we like

So, this season of Jersey Shore has sadly come to an end…and I, for one, can’t wait for the reunion! In the meantime I thought I’d round up some pics of my favorite little meat-a-balls. Here we go…

it's t-shirt time, oh yeah!

ba! two little nuggets! oh yeah, and that guy.

My favorite was when Snooky’s best pal was in town and they made weird noises at each other. BRRRRRRAAAA! BBBRRRRAAAA!

and then there's this little turkey burger.

proof that a little class goes a long way. they also had to go black and white because the color version looked like one of those weird sepia photos you get at the county fair.

Although I have probably lost a substantial amount of grey matter watching these crazy kids run around Miami, I enjoyed every moment of it. Haven’t you? I was gonna say that since we only use 10% of our brain anyways I think I’m in the clear to watch one more season, but I just researched that and found out it was a myth! Who knew I would actually learn something from Jersey Shore?! New urban myth: reality t.v. makes you smarter. Now, go and spread the word like wild fire. And since we now use our whole brains, make sure you don’t waste too much of it this weekend!

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